Buddhist Sangha of Bucks County

Original Article by Dana Nourie | April 17, 2013

The Three Marks of Existence is important in Buddhism, because it means we start to see things, situations as they really are. Everything is impermanent, suffering is a part of existence (for living things anyway), and nothing exists in and of itself, without dependencies. The three marks of existence is not an idea or theory you have to believe in. Rather it is a way to explore yourself and everything around you.

Impermanence

Everything is impermanent. Everything! Everything from micro organisms to the universe itself. Relationships are impermanent. Ideas and opinions are impermanent, cities and roads, the ideal job or career, and yes, even you. When most people here this, they say, well I know all that! The problem is we do know it, yet we cling to things as though they are permanent, because we want them to last, at least during our lifetime. Some things are longer lasting than other things. But if we truly grasp impermanence, then the less we cling to outcomes and expectations. We are then not as horrified when a relationship ends, a job is lost, or when people die. That is not to say those situations are suddenly easy, but our recovery from suffering can go more smoothly when we see everything as it really is, than if we cling to it because we want it to last forever. Impermanence is the first and only one of the three marks of existence that is inherent in the natural world.

Start exploring impermanence.  Find the areas you cling to because you expect a situation, relationship, or thing to last. Explore how your view of impermanence in certain areas affect how to cling to desired outcomes or expectations. What happens if you recognize that everything is impermanent?

Not Self

Some also call this egolessness, but there is actually more to it than ego. The Buddhist teachings of not self ask us to explore the reality of objects and ourselves in depth like no other teaching. Nothing that exists, including you, exists in and of itself, without dependencies, and as a single, permanent thing. Everything is actually a collection that we have labeled as a certain thing, and you may tend to think of yourself as “this is who I am.” The problem with that is that it’s not true. Again, this is not a theory, not a belief. Explore it!

Everything about you is in constant change from the trillions of cells that make up your body, to the multitude of processes that create thoughts, emotions, reactions, opinions, and beliefs. You aren’t a static object, but a work in progress, full of processes. Even rocks are made up millions of granules of different types of minerals that go through changes through weathering, heat, pressure, and end up eventually a completely different kind of rock.

Why does any of this matter? Because it’s important that you investigate how everything changes, how we apply stereotypes to ourselves and people that are not only inaccurate, but cause us to create unrealistic expectations of people and things. When you start to see how you aren’t a solid, unchanging self, but a impermanent, dynamic person, you also loosen your clinging to thoughts, ideas, emotions, and the idea of a “real you”. Your interaction in the world becomes more fluid, dynamic, and responsive rather than reactive, clinging to static idea.

Again this is not a concept to be believed. It’s to be explored, during meditation, throughout your daily life. It’s a challenging area of practice in the beginning, but as you start to see these processes at work in yourself, you also realize others are like this. Change becomes the norm, rather than an unpleasant surprise, and the impermanence of everything becomes even more obvious. This is not a magical state of seeing, but simply observing the dependencies everything has along with the multitude of processes at work.

Buddha never said you don’t have a self. What he said was your body is not self, your emotions are not self, your thoughts are not self, and on and on. Why? Because all of these are in constant change, coming and going throughout the day.

Neuroscience also notes that the brain does not have a central driver, that there isn’t a You in the brain looking out at the world. Instead, the brain gives rise to thoughts, feelings, emotions, reactions, etc. that go into the creation of a feeling of self. This feeling of self rises off and on throughout the day. When you start observing how this process works, it’s amazing and freeing. You no longer need to cling to an image of yourself, because it becomes obvious that is just a mental picture that is also subject to change and impermanence.

Not self can be confusing and overwhelming. In the beginning if you feel put off or disturbed by it, focus on the first two marks of existence instead. Not self rolls out of this practice over time. You don’t need to twist your brain into a pretzel trying to understand it. And most importantly, again, it’s not a magical state of being. It’s not a higher state of consciousness. It’s simply observable when you really start paying attention.

It’s the misconception of  self  as something permanent, a thing we cling to, that ends up leading us to suffering in a multitude of ways.

Suffering

Because we exist, we also suffer. Many of us spend a lot of time trying to avoid suffering, trying to push it away and not experience it. We don’t want to suffer and we don’t want others to suffer. So, instead of studying suffering closely, understanding that it is a part of life, we try to avoid it, to push it away. In doing that, we actually create more suffering for ourselves.

In Buddhism, we are asked to take pause, notice suffering when it arises in ourselves, when we observe it others. Stop running. Understand that others, like you, also suffer. When we start exploring what suffering is from physical pain to disappointment, from anger to boredom, from depression to grief, we also see the many ways we worsen our suffering mentally, how aversion to it is actually a form of clinging to suffering, and just seeing it for what it is lessens it.

Start observing the many ways you suffer. Realize that others suffer as well, and instead of trying to avoid it or escape from it, see how compassion can arise for yourself and others. Suffering is not just something to observe, but something to explore. Sit with your sadness or your anger, observe how the feeling moves around in the body or settles in one place. Observe yourself and how you react to various forms of suffering, how you respond to other people when they suffering.

If you want to explore the above, I encourage you to do the Weekly Practice exercises. Give each lesson as many weeks as you need though.

This article is part of the New to Secular Buddhism section of SBA.

If your thoughts create the world, you are your thoughts
Watch how water is affected with just thoughts

It is impossible to control every thought that enters our minds. However, we can make the effort to patrol our mental environment. We have the power to accept or reject any thought that floats through our consciousness. The only trick is to be conscious.

What are your foundational thoughts? Which ones are you choosing to keep? Which ones are you willing to change? The choice is solely your own.

Through Meditation Practice this becomes easier.

This is an Excerpt from a Dharma Talk By Thich Nhat Hanh

Taking care of the present moment, you recognize the presence of the sunset, the morning star, the magnolia blossoms, and the person in front of you. When you practice this way, you will not be lost in your worries or anxieties about the future, or caught by the suffering of the past. The teaching of the Buddha is clear. You only have to practice it. With the presence of a loving Sangha, it is easy.

Buddhist meditation is, first of all, living mindfully. We practice precepts (sila), concentration (Samadhi), and insight (prajna). Being present helps us touch and look deeply into whatever is there. When you live deeply each moment of your life, you will have insight into yourself and also the person you think is the cause of your suffering. When insight is present, it is easy to love and accept, and you will see that the other person is not your enemy. He is yourself, and he needs you in order to be transformed. With that insight, the nectar of compassion is born in your heart. That nectar is the Buddha, the Holy Spirit, God, and it is available to us twenty-four hours a day.

After practicing taking ourselves as the object of love, we change the word “I” into “he” or “she.” (See The Nine Prayers, below.) We can do that only when we have some understanding, peace, and solidity within ourselves. Self-love is the foundation for the love of others. We begin with love for someone we have sympathy with; then for someone we are fond of; and then for someone who has made us suffer. The children in Somalia, the victims of war in the former Yugoslavia, the children in my mother’s native village may be considered first as neutral, people we don’t really know. But if we touch them deeply, looking into them, they are no longer neutral to us. We see that they are ourselves, and suddenly compassion and loving kindness are born in us. They become true objects of our love. Finally, we come to the person we consider our enemy, the person who made us suffer. With the practice of deep looking and deep understanding, that person can also become the object of our love.

But first, we have to learn to look at ourselves with the eyes of understanding (prajna) and love (maître). Many of us cannot accept ourselves. We are at war with ourselves and want to run away from ourselves. Practicing looking deeply into ourselves and seeing the nature of the joy and pain within us, gradually we are able to accept, love, and take care of ourselves. “Know thyself” is the practice of love. If we look deeply into ourselves, we discover the conditions that have formed us and then we can accept ourselves – both our suffering and our happiness. So first of all, we accept ourselves as we are. Then we can accept the other person as she or he is. Looking deeply, we see how that person has been formed. Just as a flower is made only of non-flower elements, that person has been made of elements that are not him – his ancestors, his parents, his society, and so on. Once we see the causes and conditions that have made him, we are able to accept him and take good care of him.

According to the teaching of the Buddha, love is made of understanding. With understanding, you can love. To understand is to see all the difficulties, pain, and problems the other person is having. If you ignore the suffering and aspirations of the other person, how can you say you love him or her? But to love and understand is also to see the aspirations and hopes of the other person. To understand him more, you can go to him and ask, “I want to make you happy, but I do not understand you. Please help.” If you want to love someone you don’t understand, you might make him or her suffer more. A father has to go to his son and ask, “My son, do I understand you enough? Or is my love making you suffer?” Husbands have to ask wives the same question. Otherwise our love can suffocate the other person. It may be just a person for him or her. The practice of mindfulness helps us be there, look deeply, and understand the other person. We need to say to the other person, “I really want to love you and make you happy, but I need your help. Tell me what is in your heart. Tell me your difficulties. Tell me whether my way of loving is making you happy or unhappy.” That is the language of true love. We need the other person’s help to love properly and deeply.

….

The practice of Buddhist meditation is the practice of true love. True love has the power to liberate us and bring happiness to ourselves and to living beings around us. True love is the love that retains liberty and creates joy. We cannot be peaceful and happy if we do not have true love in us.

The Nine Prayers

1. May I be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.
2. May I be free from injury. May I live in safety.
3. May I be free from disturbance, fear, and anxiety.
4. May I learn to look at myself with the eyes of understanding and of love.
5. May I be able to recognize and touch the seeds of joy and happiness in myself.
6. May I learn to identify and see the sources of anger, craving, and delusion in myself.
7. May I know how to nourish the seeds of joy in myself every day.
8. May I be able to live fresh, solid and free.
9. May I be free from attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent.

NOTE: After practicing “May I be…”, you can practice, “May he (or she) be…”, visualizing first someone you like, then the one you love the most, then someone who is neutral to you, and finally the person whom thinking of makes you suffer the most. Then you can practice, “May they be…’, beginning with the group, the people, the nation, or the species you like, then the one you love, then the one that is neutral to you, and finally the one you suffer the most when you think of.

Continue Reading The Practice of Loving Kindness By Thich Nhat Hanh

The greatest gift we can make to others is out true presence

This is an Excerpt from a Dharma Talk By Thich Nhat Hanh

When you love someone, you have to be truly present for him or for her. A ten-year-old boy I know was asked by his father what he wanted for his birthday, and he didn’t know how to answer. His father is quite wealthy and could afford to buy almost anything he might want. But the young man only said, “Daddy, I want you!” His father is too busy – he has no time for his wife or his children. To demonstrate true love, we have to make ourselves available. If that father learns to breathe in and out consciously and be present for his son, he can say, “My son, I am really here for you.”

Spiritual Support

Why meditate?   Why pray, or participate in a pilgrimage, or live alone for a year in the woods?  Sometimes it’s because you are at your wit’s end, and sometimes you just need help.

Jack Kornfield, who  co-founded the large western Vipassana Buddhist practice center in Barre, Massachusetts, once said that when the center opened in the late 70’s, their focus was on the first Noble Truth, that ‘In life, there is suffering;’ in other words, bringing clarity to the pervasiveness of suffering until one can’t stand it anymore and must make a change.  In the Buddha’s view, even pleasant things pass away and so spiritual life must push beyond both pain and pleasure. “But,” Kornfeld added, “We were young and had a lot of energy then.”

I find deep suffering in my life and the lives of others, also.  I find the ‘marks’ of the conditions of life:  It’s transience, the lack of permanent definition, and I find dissatisfaction.  These truths have inspired me to practice, to sit alone with reality and to sit together with others in spiritual pursuit.  As a person who is growing older, I also appreciate more and more the third and fourth Noble Truths of there being a way for suffering to cease, and the path of its cessation.

I also forget.  I am carried by habits of avoidance, distraction, ignorance, weariness, anxiety, selfishness, fear, envy, anger and on and on. I become blinded to the fact that I am the only thing standing between myself and liberation.  I forget the fire that once burned in me to open up, no matter what, to the truth of life.

So it is a two-fold question that I ask myself.   What influences or helps me to practice, and to practice deeply and correctly?   I’d like to offer four things that may be helpful, hopeful, and peaceful in motivating, continuing, or deepening practice.

1. Teachers. When I go to sit with a teacher who has dedicated a significant portion of their life to practice, I hear the words of the Buddha come alive.  Usually, meditation instruction is included, so being with a teacher is good practice in and of itself.  One hears so many ideas from so many people about life and what to believe in.  The television and internet are telling us to believe in acquisition and material satisfaction.  It’s nice to spend time with someone who embodies the spiritual side of things.  It’s inspiring, like “Wait, he’s a human being and I’m a human being, so therefore…..” Being near a teacher, even for an hour, is supportive and offers a refuge.
2. Relaxation. This seems to be a theme among contemporary teachers.  Perhaps it was always there, but it really applies to our stressed out lifestyle.  I don’t think it’s a lethargic thing at all, just a positive way of letting go of stress in the body and mind so that one can concentrate or practice insight meditation. While calm is one result of concentration on an object, it’s a good admonition as well.  Sometimes I ask myself  “Where am I tightly wound?” in body or thinking, then I can relax a little, stop feeding into the tightness, practice some acceptance, which clears the way for paying attention.
3. Letting go. Have you experienced under times of great stress a sense of something much greater and more important and liberating? Not that we should forget the importance of tasks, meetings, celebrations, operations, and the like, but I think the Buddha would ask us if our attitude toward the events of life is leading us toward liberation or just getting us more wrapped up.  He said: “Whatever is not yours: let go of it. “  None of it, within or without is ‘ours’. The Buddha said that it is very hard to let go of the mind because it is sort of composed of holding on.  Training the mind in concentration helps to clarify this useless process so that we can let go of it.
4. Dealing with fear. I notice fear in letting go.  I feel like I am losing myself. Even in breathing meditation there are a lot of ways to recreate my own world, like “I am breathing” and “I am experiencing a clear mind” and so on.  Then when I get closer to just the breath I can feel my definitions slip away and it is uncomfortable, it is scary.   Thanissaro Bhikkhu suggests to : “Have good will toward your breathing, compassion, appreciation, equanimity towards your breathing. In other words, allow the breath to be comfortable so that you can have a foundation. Where it’s not comfortable, work at making it more comfortable: That’s compassion. Where it is comfortable, appreciate it.”  Fear is underneath a lot of negative emotions.  It is difficult to stay put for a while and gain the confidence and objectivity needed to work kindly with fear.

The Buddha emphasized the help that a Sangha can give.  He said: “The Sangha of the Blessed One’s disciples: worthy of gifts, worthy of hospitality, worthy of offerings, worthy of respect, the unexcelled field of merit for the world. . .  when you have recollected the Sangha, whatever fear, terror, or horripilation is will be abandoned.”

It seems that the spiritual journey has a quality of not turning back, and therefore of leaving much that is held on to behind.   It is good to go forward with the help of others, and with kindness in our efforts.

So, wishing you good practice from Boston (or is it Antarctica, I can’t tell anymore), and peace.  Missing everyone.

James Reis